This is a live-diary from watching this year’s Oscars.
The monologue: I entered this with low expectations. Mostly because I do not like Ellen’s delivery.
“Bruce Dern is not pleased.”
I liked the Jonah Hill’s penis joke. But it was premised on Ellen having seen his before, which left me wondering, when had she seen it before?
Best Supporting Actor: I haven’t seen Dallas Buyer’s Club, but Megan my girlfriend really wants to see it, so I’m thinking fun date night movie! Nothing’s more romantic than emaciated/dying of AIDs in drag Jared Leto. He continues the proud transition of cross-dressing bringing home the gold! Also, way to remind us that there are more important things going on in the world than some awards.
Animated Heroes Montage: “Lawrence of Arabia. Citizen Kane. Ace Ventura. Our next presenter was in one of these. Jim Carrey.” Best line so far. Also, man Jim Carrey is still hilarious. What I don’t understand is why this was presented to us.
Happy by Pharrell Williams — Oh no! not another unpopular hat. Also, how has he not aged in the past 12 years? Also, why did he “hey!” Sidney Poitier? Questions! Questions without answers.
Achievement in Costume Design: The Great Gatsby! I am really glad this won. I was afraid that American Hustle would win this, but mostly a home run in the costumes in GG.
Makeup & Hairstyling: Only 3 nominees? That seems oddly small, but hey, what do I know about makeup/hairstyling?
American Hustle & Dallas Buyer’s Club & The Wolf of Wall Street: Amy Adams was really great. These actors looked like they had so much fun making American Hustle. Dallas Buyer’s Club looks good. But then again, the Wolf looked like it was more than an ad for drugs, so we will see.
Best Short – Animated: Kim Novak used to be hot in 1958. Thanks McConaughey for that awkward reminder.
Best Animated Film – Not Short: Congratulations to Frozen! You just beat a Miyazaki film! And were totally awesome! And there is a woman on stage! Whoa!
Ordinary/Extraordinary Heroes: Goosebumps!
Sorry, I almost missed the name of this category because of two young hotties, Emma Watson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt would be an obnoxiously attractive couple. Gravity probably deserves the Visual Effects Oscar, but damn this was a hotly contested category. Iron Man 3 and The Hobbit 2 were hard to beat.
That nice song from Her by Karen O — It’s a very nice song. I don’t remember it being only 75 seconds long though… But about the presenter, serious question, Zac Efron is an actor? He doesn’t seem like he can act. Even in previews he looks awful. Just awful.
Short Film (Live Action): Some year I will watch these before the awards so that I can have an f’n opinion. Just once I will. Oops, I missed who won, but the important thing is that I saw a clip from The Voorman Problem. Because it had Martin Freeman (Bilbo, The Hobbit) and Tom Hollander (a villain in the middle 2 Pirates movies), but that led me…
Short Firm (Doc): Music Saved My Life. …to Hollander’s IMDb page which has Gosford Park in it. Whenever I read those two words I think the exact same thing, “oooh, Gosford Park, I should watch that again.” Every time. No joke. I even thought that two days after I had just seen it.
Best Documentary: Whoa whoa whoa, slow down there, Bradley Cooper. Describing “documentaries” as “telling the truth for a living” is not true. That would be like saying the Fox News or MSNBC “tell the truth for a living.” Congrats to 20 Feet From Stardom, I hope that this leads to people watching Standing in the Shadows of Motown. Also, having that woman sing too loudly was not a good idea. Actually, it was a good idea, but just not well executed. Ick.
Governor’s Awards: Angela Lansbury, Pierrot Tosie (sic?), Steve Martin, and Angelina Jolie. Sounds like quite an assortment of people.
Best Foreign Language Film: The Great Beauty appears to be a movie about…who knows. Omar, on the other hand, is a movie I know I need to watch. Hany Abu-Assad wrote and directed it, just like he did Paradise Now. That was a great, humorous and human movie.
Nebraska, Her, and Gravity: Of those three I would prefer Nebraska to win, even though it is the only one I have not seen. Honestly, Gravity is good, but it has the depth of Rush without as interesting of a story. And the acting was not as good. And Her was a nice movie. I just hope for more.
U2′s Ordinary Love sounds pretty good, but I am not sure if I have heard it before. Also, what is Larry Mullen doing without a drum set? (oops now I see his drum) And why is Adam Clayton not playing a bass line? (The point of this is to show that I know who the other two members of U2 are without looking it up.)
Ellen and the cellphone thing. Make it stop? Please.
Sound Mixing: It’s funny how incestuous this category was. Lots of multiple nominations for these sound mixers. But how hard is it to mix Sandra Bullock hyperventilating for 85 minutes? Also, space is pretty damn silent so…really? No other movie had better sound mixing?
Sound Editing: See above. Bonus thoughts, Alfonso Cuarón’s name has been pronounced three distinctly different ways by his employees. Thanks for NOTHING!
Supporting Actress: That clip for June Squibb was amazing. And Lupita Nyong’o just won with her first acting role. Sounds like she’s a natural.
Cinematography: I don’t know if Gravity deserved this or not. It’s such a gorgeous movie, but maybe that was the special effects, or Cuarón’s direction. If this nice man is truly responsible, then Cuarón probably does not deserve best direction.
Best Editing: Captain Phillips deserved this over Gravity. Seriously. Unless Gravity won this for being the shortest movie, this is inappropriate.
Guinan! Remember? Whoopi Goldberg was on ”Star Trek: The Next Generation”. My Uncle Terry loves The Wizard of Oz, so it is nice for me to see it come up. Let’s cut to the montage! No!!! Not Pink! What the fuuuu?? What demographic are you aiming for with this??
Production Design: Great Gatsby with a second win. This was an amazing year for production design. This could have easily gone to American Hustle or Gravity on merit.
Chris Evans grew a beard? Uggg. First Chris Hemsworth and now him? My ranking as most attractive man with a beard keeps slipping! Most Inspiring Characters: After Katniss Everdeen I had this thought about 30 seconds later, Whoa, mark this moment! There was one shot where there was a woman! Sure, she was out numbered 5-1 by men, but there was an actual, real life woman in this group! And Sandra Bullock and Sigourney Weaver. So it’s a victory for equality! 4.5 women to only about 75 men!
In Memoriam: The ones who made me saddest were Jim Kelly, Elmore Leonard, Peter O’Toole, Richard Griffiths, Roger Ebert, Harold Ramis, and Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Philomena, Captain Phillips, and 12 Years a Slave: I really wish I would have seen 12 Years a Slave already. I still like Captain Phillips best.
Let It Go performed by Idina Menzel: this is a very good song. Disney tapped into their storied past to pull this out one and let a real singer/actress sing/act in Frozen. I bet this wins for best song.
Best Score: Whoa, fix that chin, Jamie Foxx! Gravity won.
Best Song: Who the fuck are Paul Hewson and David Evans? I literally have never seen Bono and The Edge’s real names before. Shocking! Knowing that Mullen and Clayton are in U2 finally paid off! Also, tears alert for that shout out to their daughters.
Best Adapted Screenplay: Not a surprising win for John Ridley and his adaptation of 12 Years a Slave.
Best Original Screenplay: Her and Spike Jonze win. This means it’ll be another 6 years until he puts out his next movie.
Best Director: this should go to my favorite living director Paul Greengrass. Maybe I am biased? Part of me thinks that someone whose best film is still Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban might not deserve the best director academy award, but he is also not a native English speaker so I am pleased that the Academy could look past their prejudices to award this to him. At this point we have realized that Ellen has gone on way longer than she should have with her gags. We have also caught up to the DVR, which is never fun.
Best Actress: And the award for least bad Sandra Bullock performance in her career goes to…Sandra Bullock in Gravity. Seriously. It was a compromise to get me to watch a movie with her in it. WHAT!? Cate Blanchett won! I am shocked. She’s looking all Galadriel tonight in that dress. I am now realizing that I have no idea what her accent is. She made me forget that she’s Australian.
Best Actor: Christian Bale talking is so good! Him and Fassbender are probably the best two actors going. Leonardo DiCaprio was better in Gatsby than he was is Wolf, even though he was very good in Wolf. Also, I was on the Chiwetel Ejiofor bandwagon way before this movie. As was Joss Whedon who cast him in Serenity. But Matthew McConaughey pulled it in. He has one from one of the most underrated actors, go back and watch him in Lone Star and A Time To Kill, to, with this award and True Detective he is now overrated. Not because he is not an excellent actor, but because he is not one of the very best.
Best Picture: It is sad that the presenter for the best picture just won a razzie for his movie this year, Will Smith. 12 Years a Slave won! Yay! I was so scared that Gravity was going to win. If you would have asked me, will the guy whose last movie was an NC17 one about a sex addict ever win an Oscar my answer would have been no. But congratulations to Steve McQueen, who has always fought against the odds, by even not changing his name since the shadow of the late Steve McQueen is a big one. Putting Michael Fassbender in all of his movies is also a good idea too.
Good night all, and this was a good night.