IF I were to have live tweeted this movie, here are some of the things I would have tweeted:
M to Bond, “Eliminate all free radicals.” Ha! Ha! Get it? I hope you do, because this movie is nothing but lazy puns!
Edward Fox—General Horrocks in A Bridge Too Far—does have a good demeanor for playing M.
Did you know that this is a remake of Thunderball?
Did you know that the theme song to this is infinitely worse than Tom Jones’ Thunderball?
Tom Jones’ Thunderball would make a good name for a band.
Where is the Bond music? The fight scenes work less well without that, or some equally good theme.
Disconnecting the weights from a universal bench press decreases the weight, no the reverse. Oops.
Having the beefy henchman throw the janitor right when the janitor wakes up again is pretty funny.
Why is the beefy henchman dressed like an Australian karate chauffeur?
What just got thrown into the eyes of the Australian karate chauffeur?? And why did it kill him?
James Bond’s urine. From a sample. WHAT DOES HE CONSUME THAT MAKES IT HYDROCHLORIC (instead of uric) ACID!?
Also, the henchman crushed a bunch of glass into his own back post-urine splash.
The plan is to make this US airman betray his country by altering his eye into matching the President’s. Can’t believe it’s working!
In Thunderball they steal the plane, but in this they fire the nuclear missiles…even if they were “dummies” why would we practice this!?
Ha, the missiles went from 10 km away, to 4 km, to 5 km, to 3 km. Silly math!
Max Von Sydow is awesome as Blofeld. I could listen to him define S.P.E.C.T.R.E. all day.
The 00 section has been reinstated! Huzzah! I worried that the movie would become mostly Bond filing papers.
This dancing scene with Kim Basinger is pretty creepy. Why is her audio ADR-ed? I wonder if Largo (Klaus Maria Brandauer–The Russia House) got ADR-ed too?
Wow, Goldeneye ripped off the whole “bureaucrats and computers” running MI-6 complaints from this movie. Tsk tsk.
Young Rowan Atkinson! He is pre-Mr. Bean!
I like how Fatima Blush’s boat looks like the disco volante!
The Disco Volante being Largo’s big ship, duh.
Is that a bomb she put on Bond’s scuba tank? Of course not! That would never work! It’s shark homing device!
This shark is a good actor.
No! He trapped the shark! Its’ jut a movie, it’s just a movie, it’s just a movie.
Wow, James Bond reeled in by a woman wearing only overalls! Classic 1980s side boob.
And now Fatima has taken my advice and decided to use a bomb. #Learning
The original Black Felix Leiter! His name is Bernie Casey and he played Cal Hudson on Star Trek: DS9. I knew I recognized him from Star Trek.
Domino (Basinger) has the opposite reaction most people would have to learning that their masseuse was in fact some random stranger not employed by the facility.
The more she thought about it, the more aroused she seemed to get.
Does she have a random stranger touching her without her knowing it fetish?
Is that a fetish?
The video game! There is so much in the movie that I associate with the Bond movies that I did not realize!
“It’s called Domination.” Creeeeeper.
You get shocked when you’re losing. Makes me not want to play this game.
Okay, so why would Fatima be so pleased about killing someone other than James Bond?
Her mission was to kill James Bond.
The female French agent? Totally not James Bond.
Her plan to capture him has worked great though! #SpokeToSoon
Her outfit. Is. Amazing.
I wish I could find one with a good view of those pants.
“I’m doing this for two reasons…one I’m trying to provoke an answer…and two, because I always wanted to.”
Wow this just turned offensive in northern Africa. #Slavers
This clearly influenced The Living Daylights wih the AKs and horses and Muslims.
Missed an opportunity for a Wilhelm Scream there!
Jumping off that castle into the water on a horse was Fast 5 level insane.
Why would Domino (Basinger) care about Bond after knowing him for like two days? He’s just not that likable.
I can’t even…
It makes more sense if you realize they were fired from a submarine…
James Bond with a Mac 10, aka an uzi? To quote James Bond in Goldfinger, “shocking.”
How do the henchmen get these jobs? I like how one of them really appreciates the beauty of his surroundings.
As much as I like seeing Kim Basinger in a tiger bathing suit, I do not want to have to see Sean Connery in thin white trunks.
“I always have a martini at five.” — Alcoholic or OCD?
*** or somehow ½ star less than Thunderball. I gave Thunderball 3 & ½ stars!? And Entertainment Weekly gave it an A-?!?
And that concludes the first and only time I will do this. I will never fake live tweet a movie again.
<Cue theme song “Never say never again”>